Choosing is the Hard Part

As many of you may know, I was laid off in November.  I’ve been home watching my son, applying for jobs, and finishing school.  These last three months have been great, because I’ve bonded with my son in a way that I don’t think I would have been able to otherwise.

What I haven’t been talking about on here, is the fact that I applied to grad school (I have an M.A. but this time I’d be getting an M.F.A) in North Carolina.  I’m waiting to hear back, and have been told that I should hear back in early April.

In addition to that, my lease on the condo I live in expires on April 30th, and we just found out a week or so ago that the owner is planning on selling it.  This is fine, because we have thought this may not be the best layout for my son who is about to start walking—it has 3 floors, and none of them are set up well for being gated.  Also the condo is further from almost everything here than we want to be.

So, my wife has been trying to figure out where we’re going to live.  We’ve gone and looked at other apartments in the area, but we’re in a weird mental space which doesn’t really lend itself to this type of decision making.  If I get into school in North Carolina, it will have a teaching position attached to it, so that would be my job.  If I am not accepted, I will need to get another job but the jobs I’ve been applying for have been fairly spread out, so it is difficult for us to determine what town/city is the best for us to live in.

Just because things weren’t complicated enough, I got an excellent job recommendation today from a career councilor.  The job is in Irvine California, now this really complicates things, because I don’t really like living in Massachusetts, and Southern California has kind of been my dream, and so that’s another possibility.

Of course, I’m going to apply for the job, and if I don’t get offered it, I won’t have to weigh any factors, same thing if I don’t get into North Carolina.  The problem is what if I get the job, and it’s amazing and then I get accepted into school which is an amazing opportunity.

Even worse, is the fact, that I will feel terrible about taking my wife and son away from our family, but the job opportunities here in Massachusetts have given me little to no hope.  I’m not sure what the best thing to do is, to follow the opportunity, and uproot my family, or to keep trying here where we have a built in support system.

I think ultimately that I know that there isn’t necessarily a right decision and two wrong decisions.  Assuming that I get my choice of these opportunities, I know that there are upsides to each, and I know that there are downsides to each.  I know that each will affect Sarah and Logan in both good ways and bad ways, as much as these decisions will affect me in both ways.  Choosing is the hard part, not living with that choice. Weighing decisions and trying to do the right thing, is easily the worst part about being an adult.

2 thoughts on “Choosing is the Hard Part

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