What’s the best season of the year?
Say ‘fall’ again! I dare you, I double dare you mother-fucker say ‘fall’ one more goddamned time!
Fall sucks. I think I’ve been pretty clear on this fact. There is entirely too much of my book, and this blog focused on how much fall sucks. It’s annoying right? It’s super annoying to hear me bitch and moan about how much I hate fall?
It’s just as annoying when it’s fucking August seventh and my Facebook feed is exploding with pumpkin pictures, and stock photos of people in sweaters looking like assholes getting ready for the stupid fall. (The people who post the Will Ferrell as Buddy the Elf memes that tell you how many weeks until Christmas aren’t any better.)
Can we have a moratorium on fantasizing about other seasons in near sexual manner? You stop talking about how great fall is, and I’ll stop telling you how fucking miserable it is.
Now, I should say, I like spring and fall, and when people shit on spring and fall, it doesn’t bother me nearly as much as when in the middle of summer when people start getting fall and winter boners and telling us all about them. If you want it to be fall, and want to not piss me off, just say “oh it’s too fucking hot, this weather sucks” or more accurately “theirs enough daylight to not be depressed, and yet somehow I wish it was a sadder time.” I’d be ok with either of these statements even though I disagree with them.
It’s not fun being rushed through your favorite season, so I’m begging you, stop kissing Fall’s ass during summer. I cannot take it anymore.
P.S. I’ve been told in the past that I’m a very negative person, and while I don’t think that is an unfair statement, it should be mentioned that while writing pieces like this, I’m laughing my ass off, because I get a kick out of it. Please don’t think I’m scowling staring at my keyboard, just realize I took real points/grievances and blew them way the fuck out of proportion. Thank you.