Something in Me Might Be Broken

I’m a strange guy, and I have a lot of strange thoughts, and viewpoints, but I want to talk about a few things that I think, which I think are abnormal in a special kind of way.  I think some of my thoughts go against the survival instinct.

Have you seen Doomsday Preppers? Or met anyone who talks about survival readiness?  I am not one of those people, but deliberately so.  I don’t want to survive the apocalypse.  I don’t mean that like “I don’t care if I survive,” but exactly as I said, I don’t want to survive it.  If something wipes out the majority of humanity, including my family, what is there left for me?  I don’t have any grand delusions that I’d be Mad Max, I know I’d at best be a blood bag.

If my wife and son survived, I would want to survive to help them, but the second they’re gone I’m fucking out.  I’m not driving (or walking depending on which post-apocalyptic future we get) across a hellscape in search of food, and life.  I don’t want a harem, or anything.  It’s time to die.

I’m afraid of death, and I don’t want to die, but I certainly don’t want to live in the world as it shuts down and kills off the last of humanity.  As much as the idea of nothingness scares me, I know that once it happens, I’ll feel no fear, no pain, nothing, and that sounds a lot better than loneliness that we’ve romanticized about being the ‘last man.’

Here’s a second thing that I think which is strange about me.  I don’t think we should definitely fight for the future of the human race.  This probably isn’t clear.  I want everyone alive to live long fulfilled lives, and obviously I just had a kid, so there is some progress forward, but when it comes time for humans to ‘figure out’ how to survive like in so many sci-fi movies, whether that means terraforming Mars, or finding a perfectly inhabitable planet, why?  We had our chance, if we screw it up, it’s nature’s way of taking care of the problem (us).

Imagine it’s 1000 years after the last human has died here on Earth, the Earth has done some repair work on itself, the animal kingdom is more balanced.  What is missing that we contribute?  Essentially everything we contribute is to ourselves, or in order to counteract something we deteriorate.  That’s fine, but ultimately why are we needed?

I don’t mean that to sound like humans are evil, but to an extent we’ve removed ourselves from the natural cycle, and in other ways we’ve augmented that cycle, and there really isn’t anything else we contribute to the Earth that isn’t specifically in our own favor.  Will nature thriving and evolving again at a natural pace be less successful or impressive, or important without humans contributing literature, art, war, politics?

I’m not as sinister as Samuel L. Jackson’s character in Kingsman: The Secret Service, but we’re the virus, and when the Earth is ready it will eradicate the virus, and honestly, that’s what should happen, so don’t hold on to it.  That being said, I don’t think we should have a seven billion person suicide pact, so my suggestion is, that we do our best to quell the ‘fever’ and keep the Earth healthy, so we can all enjoy the time we have left.

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