Yesterday didn’t go well.
I showed up at the house, and my Aunt Amy had stayed home from school, and so I didn’t stick around. Luckily, she didn’t see me because she was in bed, sick.
My grandmother asked me to call ahead today, so I did and everything was ok, so I headed over.
When I got to the house, she was already on the front porch, smoking a cigarette. I walked up with a smile.
“Hi.” I didn’t feel comfortable calling her ‘Grandma,’ and didn’t want to make it any more difficult for her.
“Hi,” she said with a slight smile. “I have some questions for you, if that’s ok?”
“Of course,” I said with a quick nod of agreement, unsure of what she wanted to know.
“Are you my only grandchild?” she asked, and I saw the longing in her eyes, for the information.
“No, but I’m the oldest.” I gave her a minute, knowing the weight of what I’ve just implied.
“So…” Her eyes watered, and she took a long shaky drag of her cigarette.
I nodded with a sad look. “You never met any of us.”
The water from her eyes streamed down her cheeks, but wasn’t replaced with more. She didn’t speak for a long moment.
“How many of you?”
“13.”
She nodded, not talking for fear of continuing to cry.
“I’ll tell you all about them. But maybe only a little at a time?” I was trying not to upset her, but I knew there was no way I couldn’t. Was I being selfish by coming to see her? I’m still not sure.
“Ok. Do you have any siblings?”
I started to tear up. I didn’t want to explain to her why, so I decided to omit the truth.
“Sam,” I said nodding. “Samantha Joanne. I miss her a lot since I traveled back in time.”
She cocked her head to the side. “You haven’t been back?”
I shook my head, and explained how it is a one way trip, and explained some of what I had been through in an attempt to get there today. I included how I had gambled to get myself setup financially, and all of the things to set up my life here.
“So, you’re going to keep dating this Melanie girl?” she asked in the way parents and grandparents often do, with curiosity and warmth.
I shrugged. “She’s beautiful, and intelligent, and in many ways perfect for me, and ultimately, I feel like I have to give it a shot.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right.”
By that point, it had been about an hour, and I told her that I should go to work, but that I would be back in a few days, and that I would call first. She gave me a hug, and a kiss on the cheek. I started to cry, and didn’t let go of the hug for a minute.“I’m sorry,” I said after I finally let go.
“It’s ok. I get it now.” She knew I had been alone these last few months, despite Melanie. She knew I needed a hug from family.
* * *
When I got home, before going to work, I saw another letter from Destiny. I cut it open—using my house key like a letter opener— and she told me that she had left Vegas. She had got pregnant, and decided to keep it. Her hope was to move somewhere new and start over. Just like when I had left her and she had no idea where I’d land, I didn’t know how to get in touch with her, and wondered where she’d end up.
I decided that I would stop and buy a few baby books, and when I knew where she was, I would send them. There are a couple of my favorites from when I was a kid, including Dr. Seuss’ greatest hits, I’m gonna pick up too.
* * *
It’s opening night for the Shining. My two best friends from high school—Pat and Wes— and I used to watch Stanley Kubrick’s movies together, and one of Wes’s favorites was The Shining.
I picked up the book a week ago, and sped through it. It’s good, but much different than I remember the movie. I’m going to go tonight and see it. I expect seeing it in a theater will be even better than seeing it in Wes’s basement on VHS.
I just looked up, and I’m actually about fifteen minutes late. I’ve been getting a little lost in my own head.
Michael Christopher Cole 
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