I drove out to Provincetown last week. I told Ken and Hal that my girlfriend was a doctor. I told them that she’d seen in a medical journal some of the symptoms. I lied and said that her hospital had started operating under the assumption that it could be transmitted through bodily fluids, blood and semen. I also tried not to make it sound as if it were only going to affect the gay community. I explained that she and I had started using condoms.
I feel hopeless. Knowing what I know, and not being able to do anything is eating me apart. I know that I’ve created that feeling for Melanie as well. I wish I hadn’t told her.
* * *
Melanie flew up to Boston on Thursday after work. We drove down to Muncy, where Judy was being held awaiting trial. Elliot is much better at car travel, and so Melanie did most of the ride in the front seat with me. I told her that there had been no new information in the case, which I had mentioned before. I told her about Ken and Hal. We also talked about being honest about possible exposure, even if that meant hurting each other’s feelings. If she got exposed at work, or one of us cheated, we would need to be honest.
When we got to Muncy, I wasn’t sure what the visitation setup would look like. Would we be talking through a glass partition? It turns out, we were at a table in a room with other tables, other visitors.
We sat there, the three of us, waiting for Judy to be brought in. We had been told that we couldn’t hug her, or hand her the baby. When she came in, she wasn’t cuffed.
“Mike… I told you not to come.” She was on the verge of tears. She looked at Elliot, and it pushed her over the edge. He smiled when he saw her, and made a cooing sound.
“I’m sorry, Judy. I don’t want Elliot to go too long without seeing you.”
There was an awkward moment, while she settled, and she smiled and waved to Elliot. “I love you, baby boy,” she said softly to him. Then she looked up at Melanie. “Melanie? It’s nice to finally meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you too, Judy.” Melanie smiled at her.
“I’m sorry to put you in this position. When I put Mike as the father on the birth certificate, I was feeling delirious from the drugs, and labor, and he was the first man I thought of. I didn’t expect in a million years that we would be in this predicament.”
“It’s ok. Nothing has been normal in my relationship with—Mike.” Melanie is more strict about calling me Darren. I don’t think she’s entirely used to the name, Mike. “But Elliot is amazing. I wish you were raising him, but the two of us, and Mike’s grandmother, we’re all falling in love with him.”
She smiled. “If I get out, I don’t want to take him away from you. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I have nothing here in Pennsylvania. Lord knows, I have nothing in Vegas. But my son, and basically my best friend, are in Massachusetts. If it would be ok with you, I’d like to move up to see him sometimes. If I get out.”
I hadn’t given any thought to that. The mystery time traveller, wasn’t giving me much in the way of information on when Judy was going to get out. I don’t know how long I’ll have him, beyond a good portion of his childhood.
“Of course not,” Melanie chimed in. I nodded.
“Mike, I know I asked you not to tell me about my future, but you don’t happen to know anything about this, do you?”
I shook my head. “No, unfortunately, your aunt’s murder didn’t get enough news coverage to be famous in the future. I don’t know who did it, I don’t know whether you get convicted, or how long you’re in prison. I just don’t know. I’m sorry.
She shook her head dismissively. “It’s ok. I suppose, I’ll just have to wait to find out the way most people do.”
We spent the rest of the visitation with her paying attention to Elliot. Which was perfect. He was very happy to see her. She walked out looking over her shoulder at him as she did. When she was out of sight, he started crying.
He was restless during the night, and when we left to drive back to Massachusetts, he cried whenever he wasn’t asleep.
Michael Christopher Cole 
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