Work slowed down a lot for about a week after Thanksgiving. People must have been gorging themselves on turkey leftovers. I’ve been working, and I have finals this week to prepare for. Judy has been picking up the slack with Elliot, which I’m grateful for.
I got to see my grandmother last Monday, with everything that’s been going on, I’ve been seeing her less and less. It’s natural, I get that, but I also know how much time I have left with her, and I don’t want to waste this time.
She seems better than when I first started to come and see her. She seems to be much more filled with joy than dread when she sees me. I do wonder if that will change once she gets the diagnosis, or once my parents tell her that my mom’s pregnant in a year or so. Will the heaviness weigh on her, or will she be prepared for it?
Will I be ok with it? When I came back, I was so looking forward to getting to know her, to this mythical woman I’d never known, and now that I know her, and she’s part of my life in a different way, can I accept that soon she’ll be just a memory for me as well?
Can I loop again? Once I get everything right with my parents, once I set things on their path? Can I come back again? I’ll be in my fifties or sixties by that point. If I decided to do that, is that old me out there somewhere? If so, does my grandmother see him too?
Elliot is calling this a time-travel spiral. When you think about solving time travel problems with time travel, and your brain fixates and tries to do the math of infinite possibilities.
His solution was to tell me that if I ever try to travel back again, he will kill me. He said that and then said, “now it’s not an option, so stop thi
Michael Christopher Cole 
Leave a comment