Today, I feel like writing, but had no idea what to write about.  So, I decided to just write a list of things I want do, places I want to go, and other goals.  This isn’t something I feel some need to complete, just things that I really want to do.  This kind of writing exercise helps me to get my brain into a writing mode, and I thought perhaps it would be interesting for you to read.

Places (Abroad):

The place that I most want to return to outside of the US, is Italy.  I’ve written on here a few times about my love of Italy, but I really want to go back.  I went in 2009 with some family, and it was amazing, then again in 2014 on my honeymoon.  My wife and I started following our favorite place on Instagram (@colle_dellara_positano) and every time they post a picture we want to return.  The truth is, we often talk about returning, we talk about when it will be a financial possibility, and when our son will be old enough to, and as soon as those two requirements are met we plan on going back.
Italy was just a place filled with magic for us.  We loved walking around Rome, boating around Positano, and the food EVERY WHERE.  We are definitely ready to go back, just need our bank account to catch up, and our son to be a little older.

The place I haven’t been to that I want to go to most (outside of the US), is Peru.  There are a ton of places that I want to see, and the place that is at the top often changes (Spain, France, Scotland, Iceland) but currently, I want to hike up to Machu Picchu.  One of the things that I fell in love with in Positano (we actually stayed in a village called Montepertuso which was on the mountain above Positano) was the view from up high.  I’m afraid of heights, so tall buildings and bridges and things scare me.  For some reason, knowing I’m still standing on the ground and being able to look down, or across at all the beauty of a place, both the natural and constructed, is something that I absolutely love.  When you see pictures of Machu Picchu, it seems to meet this standard better than any other place that I’ve seen on, and I want to experience it in person.

Places (Domestic):

The place that I want to return to most in the United States is (and probably always will be) California.  I love California, no matter how often people tell me negative things about it.  Whenever I step off of a plane, and out those automatic doors and see palm trees, and know where I am, my chest hurts from my heart growing three sizes that day.  I’ve been four times, the most recent with my wife (our last vacation before she got pregnant, and the last time we had a week off together without the majority being in the hospital).  Even though it was my fourth time, it was the first where I just got to go do what I wanted, and also my first time up to San Francisco.  I absolutely loved driving up the PCH, and going to comedy clubs, and driving around both Los Angeles and San Francisco.

The place that I want to go that I haven’t been to in the US, is probably the Grand Canyon.  I’m sure that’s a bit cliche, but it’s a cliche for a reason.  I would ultimately love to drive across the country and see a bunch of different places, but the Grand Canyon would certainly be the highlight.


Something that I’d love to do is make a movie.  I’d love to write and direct a feature length film.  Even though I focus mainly on writing prose right now, I have dreamed about making movies since middle-school.  I worked really hard trying to make that dream a reality for many years, but it’s a collaborative medium, and I was constantly trying to do it alone because I knew that I couldn’t count on help.

Two things that I want to finish doing, are writing my first novel, and learning how to surf.  I know I’m going to finish my novel, it’s never been a question in my mind, and I even know how I’m going to end it, I just have to sit down and make myself do it.  I’ve allowed myself to write on here, and to write shorter projects, because they have kept me writing, and it’s an important muscle to stretch, but ultimately, I just need to sit down and force myself to finish.
As for surfing, I need to take another lesson.  I took one a few years ago and the instructor didn’t do much at all, so I rented a board this summer hoping to just figure it out.  Both experiences were fun, but when trying this summer, I saw people receiving real lessons, and I decided that next summer, I’m definitely going to take another lesson.


I enjoy my time with my wife, but I think that perhaps with the hustle and bustle of life, I haven’t shown her how much I care enough.  My hope is to reconnect in a meaningful way, not that we don’t go off and do weekend drives, and spend nearly all of our non-working time together, but I want to keep making memories with her that will sustain us when we get older and are forced to do less together.

With my son, I’ve been having the time of my life.  The fact that I was able to bond with him over 6 months of being a stay at home dad, and spending time with him at parks and playing and reading to him are great.  Soon, however, he’ll begin to form strong opinions, and interests, and my hope is that I adapt to those, so that I can not only make him feel loved, but so that we’re not just traveling through life parallel but apart.  I started a comic book collection for him, and if he gets into comics when he gets older, he’ll have no shortage, if not, I’ll figure out some other way to connect with him.  I’d love to get either a kit car, or an old sports car, and do work on it, getting it ready to be driven.  Both of us learning together about cars, and then when he is old enough taking turns driving it around.


Let me know what goals you have made for yourself in the comments below!

I Absolutely Love Being a Father

Sometimes, our lives get busy, and we tend to overlook things.  We get into a rhythm and things get done more from rote memory than conscious decision.  This doesn’t mean that those things aren’t important, or wonderful they are just easy to not give much thought to.  Then a curveball comes through, and we are snapped back into the reality of our lives.

Thursday morning before my son or I woke up, my wife left to fly back up to Massachusetts for one of her best friends’ baby shower, and so I have been on sole parenting duty for two and a half days.  I knew for months that it was coming, but I’ve never gone so long without a pair of helping hands with him (14-15 hours max probably) and so I was a little nervous.  Would he sleep well, I had to work Thursday and Friday and needed to get some rest, and so as a pessimist I had all the possible negatives run through my head.

None happened.  The last two days have been the best I’ve had with him at least since I went back to work.  We’ve played, and had pizza, and he’s slept great, and got himself stuck in numerous large toys.  It hasn’t been without him crying, and there have been all the lesser quality everyday baby things (i.e. Diapers) but it’s been a blast.

It reminded me that I love being a father, and I really needed to be reminded!  The thing with a lot of things in our lives, is that the repetition makes us forget, and with things like fatherhood, it’s easy to forget.  I never forget that I love my son, when I look at him, I feel it instantly but that is a different feeling than loving being a father.  And I’ll be honest, I may only love being HIS father, maybe it’s just he’s the perfect kid for me and I’d love it less with another kid, but I love being his father, and for right now that means I love being A father.

This experience has made me realize that when things get busier in our lives, if my wife needs to go take care of things, I can definitely step up.  I think I could definitely do a longer stretch of time, and that it would only make me happier.

These several days away from wife, also made me realize that I love being a husband, in addition to loving her.  I love that I can hold down the fort so she can do the things she needs to, and so she can get a little bit of a rest.

(Now just in case I made it sound like I don’t do much on a normal basis, that’s not really the case.  I change diapers and get up at night regularly, and I think my wife and I are split close to down the middle. Also I realize that getting pizza and not cooking probably sounds much easier than many parenting situations and I don’t for a second think this is as hard as being a single parent.)

Tiny Fists, Tiny Feet

Tiny feet, covered in cloth drag down my bare chest,
The rubber grips pulling my chest hair as streak downward,
I bite the insides of my cheeks, suppressing a cry,
the searing pain of being involuntarily waxed.

My eyes pop open, and even in the utter darkness,
I can see the shadows of his tiny body squirming perpendicular to my own.
I push my hands down against the mattress,
and gently slide them underneath him,
careful to not disturb him,
and I rotate.

As he settles into his new parallel position,
I feel the weight of the mattress shift,
and his body rolls toward mine.
Despite the fact that a third of my body is hovering,
over the black abyss that lies beyond the edge,
he is pressed tightly against me.

I close my eyes, trying to fade out of consciousness,
reality begins to fade, and I start to drift.
His tiny fist slams into my right eye socket.

My eyes blink open,
from the right I see an array of colors,
a tiny holographic rainbow that is only mine.
I stare at the ceiling until the sun comes up.