Over the course of the last week, with the talk of Shane Gillis and Pete Davidson and their remarks about women, I’ve been thinking a lot about the language we use in regards to women.
Last year, I published my first novel, The Dinner Party, which is largely about how men separate their views between women as sexual objects, and potential life partners. A lot of it takes place in the late teens, early twenties of the main character, Greg.
The thing that I was conscious of when I was writing it, was that I couldn’t show it coming out of nowhere. In the first chapter, which is almost like a prologue, I tell the story of Greg in middle school, getting rejected by a crush, and the bad advice he hears about it.
There is an interaction, between him and a classmate at the lockers immediately afterwards:
“Dude, Brittany Miller’s not busy. I see her at the mall most weekends. She’s a slut though; you don’t want to date her.”
Greg slammed his locker shut and put his bag on the floor.
“Why do you think she’s a slut?”
A lot of people have asked me how much of the book is based on me, and based on my own real life, most of it isn’t, but chapter one plays out very similarly. I had a crush, I asked her to a movie, and when I was rejected, I was told that she was a slut.
Now, in the chapter, as in my real life, there were ‘reasons’ given, to convince Greg and me of the fact that this girl was a slut.
If I’m being honest, I don’t know if the ‘things’ that she participated actually happened. Middle school is that age where some kids cannot fathom kissing yet, and others are having varying degrees of sex. I don’t know.
But also, I don’t care. It isn’t Greg’s business if Brittany had done any of the things the other boy accused her of. It’s Brittany’s business.
But, in both real life, and in the chapter, there were boys mentioned as participants in the activities. And yet, there was no judgment on them. There isn’t really an equivalent term for boys/men.
Slut, whore, bimbo, etc. have male-counterparts, but they don’t have any of the connotation or disdain attached to them. Man-whore, many men tout that as a badge of honor. Himbo, same thing.
The closest thing we have to an equivalent when it comes to aggression and disdain, is rapist. Now, assuming there was a definitive qualification for being a slut, I would still not think of that person as bad, where as we have clear qualifications for rapist, and none of them are ok. A slut, at worst, could be argued to disrespect herself. A rapist, takes autonomy away and violates, and changes another person. There is not comparison.
And yet, our language, and our society doesn’t act as if there is a morality difference.
I really wanted to start a conversation when I wrote The Dinner Party. I was hoping that I could offer some kind of alternative to the red pill, and the manosphere. Greg’s a character, who in a different era, would have fallen for those things. But he comes back from the brink.
I worry that a character like Greg, who can start off with some bad societal influences, and bad ideas may never make it out. I worry for the Brittany’s, but also the Gregs.
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